Title: In Hot Water
Characters: Ryo, mentions Dee
Setting: Vol. 5, towards the end of Act 14.
Summary: Ryo is shocked by his own behaviour and wonders if Dee can forgive him.
Word Count: 534
Written For: Challenge #88: Hot Water at fan_flashworks
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
A/N: The first line of dialogue is borrowed from the manga.
Ryo stood in the shower, one hand against the wall, the other to his head, letting the hot water rain down on him.
Hot water, that was ironic considering the hot water he’d just landed himself in with Dee. So stupid! Dee had been right to reject his advances like that. Wanting to forget was not a good reason to take advantage of Dee’s desire for him. Ryo leaned his head against the wall with a thump. He’d really messed up this time; would Dee be able to forgive him?
Ryo had hoped that as time passed he’d somehow be able to make sense of his feelings for Dee, but he was still so conflicted. He knew by now that Dee’s feelings for him were genuine, but could he ever truly reciprocate or would he just be leading his partner on? Dee meant more to him than any adult he’d ever know, aside from his parents, but Ryo was man enough to admit that his feelings for the other man scared the hell out of him. Would he still be himself, the man he’d worked so hard to become, if he gave in to his desires without having the convenient excuse of‘needing to forget’ to fall back on afterwards? He did want Dee, everything that he offered, he couldn’t completely deny that anymore, but he’d been fighting these desires his entire adult life, staying in control. What would happen if he stopped fighting, just gave in to what he wanted? Would it change him, make him less of a man? Would he even recognise himself afterwards? Would Dee?
The thoughts whirled in his head, effectively drowning out what he’d learned from that bastard Leo, at least for the moment.
Dee deserved better from him than to be used as a cheap distraction from his emotional trauma. This whole day had gone from bad to worse, and now he’d somehow managed to find an even lower level to sink to. Ryo had never felt so ashamed of his own behaviour. It wasn’t just the heat from the shower making his face feel red-hot. He could scarcely believe he’d come on to Dee like that, kissing him, telling him to go ahead, do whatever he wanted…
“I wouldn’t care at all.”
What a horrible thing to say to someone he knew cared deeply for him. Telling Dee in effect to ‘Do what you want, it would mean nothing to me.’ Way to throw Dee’s feelings back in his face. The slap had been well deserved; it had shocked him more than it had hurt, but at least it had brought him back to his senses.
“What have I done?”
Turning off the shower, he reached for the towel Dee had given him. He couldn’t stay in the bathroom all night, no matter how much he wanted to avoid seeing that expression on Dee’s face again. Dee had been so angry, so disgusted with him, but the hurt, betrayed look in his eyes had been worse than everything else, and Ryo hated himself for putting it there.
Dry, and dressed in borrowed pyjamas, Ryo drew a deep breath and steeled himself.
Time to face the music.