badly_knitted (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
badly_knitted) wrote2025-05-12 06:27 pm
badly_knitted) wrote2025-05-12 06:27 pm
Entry tags:
Ficlet: Perforated
Title: Perforated
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Ianto, Jack, Owen, Tosh, Gwen.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 673
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Jack is wounded, and it’s all Ianto’s fault. At least, it is according to Jack.
Written For: Weekend Challenge at
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1_million_words.Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
“I don’t know why you’re blaming me! It wasn’t my fault!” Ianto said, trailing after Jack as his lover limped his way through the Hub towards the medical bay. “You’re the one who decided to get… amorous in an unsafe area of the archives!”
“You pushed me!”
“You came up behind me and grabbed me! I didn’t know you were there! I had my earbuds in, listening to an audiobook, since that’s the only way I get to do any reading these days.” Normally, Ianto would have known Jack was approaching by the scent of fifty-first century pheromones drifting on the air, but his seasonal allergies had kicked in early, and he couldn’t smell a thing, so when a pair of hands had grabbed at him in a dimly lit corner of the archives, he’d reacted instinctively to defend himself from an unknown threat.
“How could you not know it was me? Who else would be down there? Everyone else stays out of the archives!” Jack grumbled. Ianto didn’t need to see his lover’s face to know Jack was pouting.
“There are caves and tunnels below the archive levels! Even I don’t know how far they stretch or what might live down there besides the Archive Monsters! For all I knew, a Weevil might have got in somehow!”
“You still didn’t need to push me so hard!” Jack complained, half turning to give Ianto a wounded look.
“What did you expect? You cornered me in a spot where there’s scarcely room to turn around!”
“And now I’m injured and it’s your fault!” Jack limped his way down the steps.
Rolling his eyes, Ianto followed; sometimes Jack could be like a whiny toddler.
“Injured how?” Owen asked, joining them in the med bay and snapping on a pair of latex gloves, a gleeful expression on his face. He was clearly relishing the argument.
“When he pushed me, I fell over.” Jack’s bottom lip jutted out in the pout to end all pouts. “I sat on a hedgehog!”
“Oh my goodness!” Tosh, leaning against the railing overlooking the medical bay, sounded horrified. “Is the hedgehog alright?”
Jack stared up at her. “Is the hedgehog alright? That’s all you care about? What about me?”
“Sorry, Jack, but you’re immortal, you’ll heal fast, and hedgehogs are sort of endangered.”
“I’ve got spines in my rear!”
“A quite literal pain in the arse,” Ianto agreed. “And it wasn’t a hedgehog; it was an echidna. It was also dead long before Jack had the misfortune to sit on it.”
“What was a dead echidna doing in the archives?” Gwen asked, looking baffled as she joined Tosh at the railing.
“It was a stuffed specimen. Came through the Rift in the nineteen thirties. Everything in that part of the archives is of earth origin. I was going through it to see what could be sent to antique shops or sold on ebay. The echidna was in a glass-fronted case, but Jack broke the glass when he fell, so it’s probably more glass splinters than spines in his arse.”
“Whatever. It hurts. I’m perforated!”
Owen snapped his gloves off again. “You don’t need me for that. Teaboy can handle it. Anything to do with Jack’s arse is his responsibility, not mine.”
“Oh, thanks,” Ianto grumbled. “What’s the point of having a medic if you won’t treat the injured?”
“Sterilise whatever you use once you’re done with it.” Owen strode away up the steps.
“I don’t think I want you treating me.” Jack muttered. “You’re the reason I got hurt in the first place.”
“Just count your blessings you didn’t fall on the Victorian ice-skates. They don’t have blade guards; you could have suffered a really nasty injury. Bend over the table so I can see what I’m doing.” Ianto turned on an adjustable lamp on and directed it at Jack’s trouser-clad rump, from which several broken echidna spines and fragments of glass protruded. He picked up a pair of tweezers. “Maybe this will teach you not to sneak up on people.”
The End
“You pushed me!”
“You came up behind me and grabbed me! I didn’t know you were there! I had my earbuds in, listening to an audiobook, since that’s the only way I get to do any reading these days.” Normally, Ianto would have known Jack was approaching by the scent of fifty-first century pheromones drifting on the air, but his seasonal allergies had kicked in early, and he couldn’t smell a thing, so when a pair of hands had grabbed at him in a dimly lit corner of the archives, he’d reacted instinctively to defend himself from an unknown threat.
“How could you not know it was me? Who else would be down there? Everyone else stays out of the archives!” Jack grumbled. Ianto didn’t need to see his lover’s face to know Jack was pouting.
“There are caves and tunnels below the archive levels! Even I don’t know how far they stretch or what might live down there besides the Archive Monsters! For all I knew, a Weevil might have got in somehow!”
“You still didn’t need to push me so hard!” Jack complained, half turning to give Ianto a wounded look.
“What did you expect? You cornered me in a spot where there’s scarcely room to turn around!”
“And now I’m injured and it’s your fault!” Jack limped his way down the steps.
Rolling his eyes, Ianto followed; sometimes Jack could be like a whiny toddler.
“Injured how?” Owen asked, joining them in the med bay and snapping on a pair of latex gloves, a gleeful expression on his face. He was clearly relishing the argument.
“When he pushed me, I fell over.” Jack’s bottom lip jutted out in the pout to end all pouts. “I sat on a hedgehog!”
“Oh my goodness!” Tosh, leaning against the railing overlooking the medical bay, sounded horrified. “Is the hedgehog alright?”
Jack stared up at her. “Is the hedgehog alright? That’s all you care about? What about me?”
“Sorry, Jack, but you’re immortal, you’ll heal fast, and hedgehogs are sort of endangered.”
“I’ve got spines in my rear!”
“A quite literal pain in the arse,” Ianto agreed. “And it wasn’t a hedgehog; it was an echidna. It was also dead long before Jack had the misfortune to sit on it.”
“What was a dead echidna doing in the archives?” Gwen asked, looking baffled as she joined Tosh at the railing.
“It was a stuffed specimen. Came through the Rift in the nineteen thirties. Everything in that part of the archives is of earth origin. I was going through it to see what could be sent to antique shops or sold on ebay. The echidna was in a glass-fronted case, but Jack broke the glass when he fell, so it’s probably more glass splinters than spines in his arse.”
“Whatever. It hurts. I’m perforated!”
Owen snapped his gloves off again. “You don’t need me for that. Teaboy can handle it. Anything to do with Jack’s arse is his responsibility, not mine.”
“Oh, thanks,” Ianto grumbled. “What’s the point of having a medic if you won’t treat the injured?”
“Sterilise whatever you use once you’re done with it.” Owen strode away up the steps.
“I don’t think I want you treating me.” Jack muttered. “You’re the reason I got hurt in the first place.”
“Just count your blessings you didn’t fall on the Victorian ice-skates. They don’t have blade guards; you could have suffered a really nasty injury. Bend over the table so I can see what I’m doing.” Ianto turned on an adjustable lamp on and directed it at Jack’s trouser-clad rump, from which several broken echidna spines and fragments of glass protruded. He picked up a pair of tweezers. “Maybe this will teach you not to sneak up on people.”
The End
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