Ficlet: Honest Answer
May. 16th, 2025 06:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Honest Answer
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Jack, Ianto.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 628
Spoilers: Cyberwoman.
Summary: On the face of it, the question is simple enough, but the answer turns out to be quite complicated.
Written For: The prompt ‘Any, any, “Do you hate me?”,’ at
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threesentenceficathon.Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
“Do you hate me? You know, for what I did, what I said…”
Jack isn’t sure why he’s asking, especially now, months after the events he’s referring to, however obliquely. After the Cyberwoman, after Lisa, after he ordered Ianto to kill what was left of the woman he loved, after he threatened to kill both of them if Ianto didn’t follow his orders… After Ianto vowed to watch Jack suffer and die.
It shouldn’t matter now, it’s history, water under the proverbial bridge, but for some reason it’s important. Jack needs to know, no matter what the answer might be, because someday, maybe soon, the Doctor will come, and Jack will go with him, and he doesn’t want to be left wondering. It would be like having an itch he can’t scratch. He doesn’t want anything hanging over him if, when, he leaves, and anyway, it matters, perhaps more than it should. With as close as he and Ianto have become, if there’s any lingering resentment, he deserves to know, even if just to clear the air.
It’s not that he has doubts over what he did, killing the Cyberwoman was the only possible course of action, but he should have handled it better, shouldn’t have issued that ultimatum. He does regret that part, but at the time he’d been full of rage and righteous indignation at being played, especially by someone so young.
“I…” Ianto starts, then stops, his face twisting in a kind of frustrated anguish as he tries to sort out his own thoughts and feelings on the matter. “I hate the way you ordered me to kill her, Lisa, and I hate that you could have ever thought that was fair, even justified.” He pauses, biting his lip, then shakes his head. “It might have been, I don’t know, I can’t be impartial enough to judge. But you could have done a lot worse, to me and to her, and maybe you were merciful to Lisa in the end, even though she’d stolen Annie’s body.”
“Annie?”
“The pizza delivery girl. That was her name you know, Annie Prescott, she was… a nice girl, delivered pizzas to earn a bit of money while she was studying at uni. She didn’t deserve to die like that.”
“No, she didn’t. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Perhaps, but in the end, what happened to her was still my fault.” Ianto sighs, regret clear in his eyes, then shrugs and returns to answering Jack’s question. “I hate what you had to do, you and the others, hate that there wasn’t any other, better choice you could have made, but… no, I don’t hate you. I can’t. I did try to, at first, because I thought you deserved my hate, but the truth is, you only did what was necessary, what I couldn’t do. You ended Lisa’s suffering, something I should have done when I first found her, so…” He shakes his head again, meets Jack’s eyes, his own open and honest, shadowed by grief that has faded to some extent, but still lingers. “The only one I hate is me, for putting the team, and the whole world, in danger, and for trying to hold on to something, someone, who was already gone. I just didn’t want to face life without her. She was all I was living for, and without her, I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength, or the courage, to carry on.”
“But you did. You have.”
“Because of you. You’re the one who’s helped me find the strength, given me a reason to keep going, believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Perhaps someday I’ll find a way to repay you for giving me another chance.”
The End
Jack isn’t sure why he’s asking, especially now, months after the events he’s referring to, however obliquely. After the Cyberwoman, after Lisa, after he ordered Ianto to kill what was left of the woman he loved, after he threatened to kill both of them if Ianto didn’t follow his orders… After Ianto vowed to watch Jack suffer and die.
It shouldn’t matter now, it’s history, water under the proverbial bridge, but for some reason it’s important. Jack needs to know, no matter what the answer might be, because someday, maybe soon, the Doctor will come, and Jack will go with him, and he doesn’t want to be left wondering. It would be like having an itch he can’t scratch. He doesn’t want anything hanging over him if, when, he leaves, and anyway, it matters, perhaps more than it should. With as close as he and Ianto have become, if there’s any lingering resentment, he deserves to know, even if just to clear the air.
It’s not that he has doubts over what he did, killing the Cyberwoman was the only possible course of action, but he should have handled it better, shouldn’t have issued that ultimatum. He does regret that part, but at the time he’d been full of rage and righteous indignation at being played, especially by someone so young.
“I…” Ianto starts, then stops, his face twisting in a kind of frustrated anguish as he tries to sort out his own thoughts and feelings on the matter. “I hate the way you ordered me to kill her, Lisa, and I hate that you could have ever thought that was fair, even justified.” He pauses, biting his lip, then shakes his head. “It might have been, I don’t know, I can’t be impartial enough to judge. But you could have done a lot worse, to me and to her, and maybe you were merciful to Lisa in the end, even though she’d stolen Annie’s body.”
“Annie?”
“The pizza delivery girl. That was her name you know, Annie Prescott, she was… a nice girl, delivered pizzas to earn a bit of money while she was studying at uni. She didn’t deserve to die like that.”
“No, she didn’t. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Perhaps, but in the end, what happened to her was still my fault.” Ianto sighs, regret clear in his eyes, then shrugs and returns to answering Jack’s question. “I hate what you had to do, you and the others, hate that there wasn’t any other, better choice you could have made, but… no, I don’t hate you. I can’t. I did try to, at first, because I thought you deserved my hate, but the truth is, you only did what was necessary, what I couldn’t do. You ended Lisa’s suffering, something I should have done when I first found her, so…” He shakes his head again, meets Jack’s eyes, his own open and honest, shadowed by grief that has faded to some extent, but still lingers. “The only one I hate is me, for putting the team, and the whole world, in danger, and for trying to hold on to something, someone, who was already gone. I just didn’t want to face life without her. She was all I was living for, and without her, I was afraid I wouldn’t have the strength, or the courage, to carry on.”
“But you did. You have.”
“Because of you. You’re the one who’s helped me find the strength, given me a reason to keep going, believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Perhaps someday I’ll find a way to repay you for giving me another chance.”
The End
