Ficlet: Love And Trust
Jun. 13th, 2025 05:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Love And Trust
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Jack, Ianto.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 692
Spoilers: Set in my Through Time and Space ‘Verse.
Summary: Even after so long, Jack has nightmares about the past.
Written For: The prompt ‘Any, Any, I love you now like I loved you then’, at
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threesentenceficathon.Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Sometimes, Jack’s self-doubts still surface, even after so long. He wakes from nightmares to find himself wrapped in his lover’s arms, safe, protected, and looking at Ianto with anguished, haunted eyes, he asks, “How can you love me after everything I did? How can you trust me? I got Tosh killed, and Owen, and so many others. I got YOU killed; I even killed my own grandson!”
“No,” Ianto reassures him. “You didn’t. None of that was your fault. Your brother killed Tosh, Owen gave his life, what there was left of it, to save Cardiff, and I walked into Thames House of my own free will. You didn’t make me go with you, you didn’t even ask me to; that was my choice, because I couldn’t come up with a better idea, and if I was coming to the end of the line, I would have rather gone down fighting by your side, at least trying to do something, than let the kill squad catch up with me and gun me down.” He smiles wryly in the dim light. “Admittedly, dying of an alien virus wasn’t the most heroic end, definitely not the way I’d hoped to go, but I was with you, I got to say my goodbyes, and if that had been the end, at least I got to tell you I loved you. I should’ve told you sooner, but it never seemed like the right time.”
“But Steven…”
Ianto holds him closer, offering whatever comfort Jack will accept. “You have to stop torturing yourself; you were in an impossible situation. It was one child or millions, and no one should have had to make that choice. If we’d been left alone to do our jobs then it probably would never have come down to that, but because we weren’t, there was no time to find an alternative solution, one that didn’t involve sacrificing anyone.” He sighs, remembering. “And because everyone else was too much of a coward to make the decision themselves, it fell to you. Would it have made you feel any better to have sacrificed a child you didn’t know, to break the hearts of parents who were strangers, doing the only thing you COULD do?”
“No,” Jack admits. “But Steven was my grandson. He trusted me, and I killed him.”
“And he died unafraid because of that. I’m not belittling what you went through, Jack, I wish there’d been some other way to defeat the 456, but you can’t keep blaming yourself for something that was beyond your control. In the end, you had no other choice. I would have made the decision for you if I’d been there, so that you could hate me instead of yourself…”
“Don’t say that,” Jack pleads. “I could never hate you!”
“And I could never hate you.” Ianto presses his lips to Jack’s forehead in a tender kiss. “I love you as much now as I loved you then, when I was dying and thought it was the end. I didn’t want to die, but I was happy knowing that your face would be the last thing I saw, that your voice would be the last sound I heard. I had no regrets then, and I still don’t. I love you, and I trust you, because I know that no matter how bad things are, you will always try to do the right thing, no matter what it costs you. You’ll always make the impossible decisions so that other people don’t have to. You’re a good man, Jack Harkess, the best man I’ve ever known, and nothing will ever change that.”
Jack manages a weak smile. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Well, I don’t deserve you either, but we’re the only two immortals in the universe, so it looks like we’re stuck with each other. We’ll just have to make the best of it.” Ianto’s smiling as he says it, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. “I don’t mind though. There’s no one I’d rather be stuck with for the rest of eternity.”
“Same here,” Jack admits. “I may not deserve you, but I’d be lost without you.”
The End
“No,” Ianto reassures him. “You didn’t. None of that was your fault. Your brother killed Tosh, Owen gave his life, what there was left of it, to save Cardiff, and I walked into Thames House of my own free will. You didn’t make me go with you, you didn’t even ask me to; that was my choice, because I couldn’t come up with a better idea, and if I was coming to the end of the line, I would have rather gone down fighting by your side, at least trying to do something, than let the kill squad catch up with me and gun me down.” He smiles wryly in the dim light. “Admittedly, dying of an alien virus wasn’t the most heroic end, definitely not the way I’d hoped to go, but I was with you, I got to say my goodbyes, and if that had been the end, at least I got to tell you I loved you. I should’ve told you sooner, but it never seemed like the right time.”
“But Steven…”
Ianto holds him closer, offering whatever comfort Jack will accept. “You have to stop torturing yourself; you were in an impossible situation. It was one child or millions, and no one should have had to make that choice. If we’d been left alone to do our jobs then it probably would never have come down to that, but because we weren’t, there was no time to find an alternative solution, one that didn’t involve sacrificing anyone.” He sighs, remembering. “And because everyone else was too much of a coward to make the decision themselves, it fell to you. Would it have made you feel any better to have sacrificed a child you didn’t know, to break the hearts of parents who were strangers, doing the only thing you COULD do?”
“No,” Jack admits. “But Steven was my grandson. He trusted me, and I killed him.”
“And he died unafraid because of that. I’m not belittling what you went through, Jack, I wish there’d been some other way to defeat the 456, but you can’t keep blaming yourself for something that was beyond your control. In the end, you had no other choice. I would have made the decision for you if I’d been there, so that you could hate me instead of yourself…”
“Don’t say that,” Jack pleads. “I could never hate you!”
“And I could never hate you.” Ianto presses his lips to Jack’s forehead in a tender kiss. “I love you as much now as I loved you then, when I was dying and thought it was the end. I didn’t want to die, but I was happy knowing that your face would be the last thing I saw, that your voice would be the last sound I heard. I had no regrets then, and I still don’t. I love you, and I trust you, because I know that no matter how bad things are, you will always try to do the right thing, no matter what it costs you. You’ll always make the impossible decisions so that other people don’t have to. You’re a good man, Jack Harkess, the best man I’ve ever known, and nothing will ever change that.”
Jack manages a weak smile. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Well, I don’t deserve you either, but we’re the only two immortals in the universe, so it looks like we’re stuck with each other. We’ll just have to make the best of it.” Ianto’s smiling as he says it, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners. “I don’t mind though. There’s no one I’d rather be stuck with for the rest of eternity.”
“Same here,” Jack admits. “I may not deserve you, but I’d be lost without you.”
The End
(no subject)
Date: 2025-06-15 12:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-06-15 10:36 am (UTC)Thank you!