Fic: Asteroid Adjustment
Jun. 26th, 2025 06:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Asteroid Adjustment
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Ianto, Jack, OC, TARDIS.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1800
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: Jack and Ianto come to the aid of a world in the direct path of a wandering asteroid.
Written For: Weekend Challenge ‘You're Gonna Need A Bigger Prompt,’ at
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1_million_words.Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
A/N: Set in my Through Time and Space ‘verse.
“You honestly expect me to believe this ridiculous idea of yours will work?” Captain Phrenille demanded.
“Certainly better than your own idea would,” Ianto said calmly. “Firing missiles at that asteroid might reduce the size of the main impact crater when it hits your world, but it would also mean dozens of smaller impact sites as well, which would not be a good thing.”
“Much better to ensure the asteroid doesn’t hit your planet at all, don’t you think?” Jack was beaming his usual thousand-watt smile, although it didn’t seem to be winning him any points with the ship’s captain. “And it’s not like we expect you to do anything. We’re volunteering to handle deployment ourselves.”
“I never asked you to volunteer!” Phrenille snapped, his drooping moustache lifting of its own accord, like it was pointing accusingly at Jack, which as far as Ianto knew, might actually be the case. He’d never come across anyone of Phrenille’s race before, but here he was, on a ship full of Zarynth. They all had the moustaches, even the women and children. It was disconcerting on faces that were otherwise fairly close to human, except for the jutting lower canine teeth, the pupilless eyes, and long, downward curving noses on the adults. Oh, and the reddish skin, but under the bridge’s emergency lighting, that didn’t show up much.
“You didn’t need to ask,” Jack said, blithely unconcerned.
“You’re not the captain here!”
“But I’m still A captain.”
“I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island,” Ianto muttered under his breath, wondering where that quote came from. Some days, he had so many random bits of information floating around in his brain that he could only yearn for the days when everything had been neatly categorised and filed. Being out in space led to… an information overload, he supposed, new facts and figures piling into his brain too fast to be properly sorted and appropriately filed away, and it kept jostling things loose in his mind, usually without the relevant context.
“What was that?” Jack was looking at him funny.
“Nothing, just thinking aloud.” Ianto turned to Phrenille. “Captain, I understand that this must seem most unorthodox to you, but if we can divert the asteroid from its course, it will prevent what would otherwise be a cataclysmic event for your world. I realise that you never asked for our help, but this is what we do. We’re troubleshooters, you might say. We deal with situations in a way that prevents, or at least reduces, loss of life, whenever and wherever we’re needed. You might say it’s our vocation.”
“And what do you expect in return for your help?”
“Simply whatever raw materials from the asteroid that we can make use of. We move it out of a direct path to your planet, then take what we want from it at our leisure. All you lose is an imminent danger to your world and your people.”
“I suppose that does sound… reasonable, if you can really do what you claim you can.”
“We have the bomb constructed and ready to go, thanks to your munitions people. All we need do now is position it at the correct place, move to a safe distance, and detonate it.”
“And how can you be sure that you can position it correctly?”
“We landed our spacecraft inside yours while it was in flight,” Ianto pointed out. “And did so quite neatly.”
Phrenille gave a grunt that seemed to indicate agreement. “There is that, certainly. How long will it take you to transport the bomb to the asteroid’s surface, position it, and make it ready for detonation?”
“A matter of minutes,” Jack assured him, although the word he used was the equivalent measurement of time in Galactic Standard.
“That seems unfeasible.” Phrenille twitched his moustache again.
“Only because one of your own shuttles would have to cross the distance between this ship and the asteroid, which takes time, and then land at the correct coordinates. Ours is different. We just have to dematerialise here and rematerialize there, skipping the whole journey. Once there, positioning and readying the bomb will take almost no time at all, and then we’ll be back here, ready to transmit the detonation signal at the precisely calculated moment. Our ship has all that worked out in advance, she is far better at that kind of thing than we are.”
“Then I suppose we had better get started. I only hope for all our sakes that your plan will prove successful.”
“It will,” Jack said, supremely confident, as well he might be, knowing their TARDIS’s abilities as he did.
“Well? What are you waiting for? Get on with it!”
“Aye aye, Captain!” Jack saluted, a gesture that was totally lost on Phrenille, since the Zarynthian space force had no such traditional hand gestures of respect towards superior officers. Anything like that was handled, so to speak, by their astonishingly mobile moustaches.
Entering their TARDIS, which had taken on the external form of a brightly coloured beach hut, for reasons Ianto hadn’t bothered to ask, they closed the door behind them and Ianto made a final check of the explosive device, to make sure everything was in readiness.
“We’re good to go,” he told his husband.
“Of course we are! This is fun, isn’t it?”
“What, blowing things up?”
“Technically, the only thing we’re blowing up is that bomb. It’s more like a game of snooker, or pool, with the explosives as the pool cue, shooting the cueball in the direction we want it to go.”
“You have a weird way of looking at things.” Ianto barely felt the movement as the TARDIS dematerialised and headed across the relatively short distance between the Zarynthian ship and the troublesome chunk of wandering space debris; it was a matter of seconds before they were rematerializing on the airless surface of the asteroid.
The TARDIS, now in her favourite tree form, created a bubble of atmosphere beneath her spreading branches so that Jack and Ianto didn’t require space suits as they carried the bomb between them, and set it down in a crevice in the rocky surface, angling it so that the force of the explosion would be directed outwards. In their heads, the TARDIS issued instructions for minor adjustments in positioning to ensure the best results. Two minutes later, they were stepping out of the TARDIS onto the bridge of the Zarynthian ship once more, where Phrenille and his moustache were waiting.
“You are returned already? You only just a moment ago departed!”
“We told you it wouldn’t take long,” Jack reminded the other captain. “Anyway, we delivered the bomb to the proper coordinates, which is the most critical aspect of the task.”
“So it is done?” Phrenille demanded, a certain amount of disbelief colouring his tone.
“The first stage is complete,” Ianto corrected. “There’s just the final stage to go, the actual detonation, which our ship will carry out herself at the precise moment she’s calculated to produce the desired effect.”
“I wanted to do that part,” Jack grumbled.
“What is it with you and blowing things up?” Ianto raised his eyebrow at his husband. Every time there was anything to detonate, Jack wanted to be the one to push the button, flip the switch, whatever it took.
Jack shrugged. “I guess it’s a childhood thing. It reminds me of when we used to set off rockets on the beach for celebration days. I always wanted to be the one to light the fuses.”
Ianto nodded slowly. “That fits. You’re still a big kid.”
Phrenille’s gaze was switching back and forth between Jack and Ianto like a spectator at a tennis match. His moustache seemed agitated. “But what of the asteroid?”
“When the explosive is detonated, the asteroid’s course will gradually alter over the next few days. We will monitor it to ensure it follows the path we’ve chosen for it. If all goes as it should, and there is no reason to believe it won’t, in a few weeks it will have settled into a stable orbit around your planet, and by that time, we will have taken our share of the raw materials. The rest, your people can harvest at your leisure. I’m sure you will find that a better result than risking having large chunks fall on residential areas, or your best farmland.”
“And what if the explosive device fails, or the asteroid is not sufficiently diverted?”
“Then we’ll place another explosive charge and try again, but the chances of that happening are approximately one in fifty billion, so I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.”
“Detonation in five… four… three… two… one…” Jack counted down, and on the viewscreen, there was a brilliant flare of light. The ship’s tracking sensors indicated a shift in the asteroid’s course of point seven of a degree, a seemingly tiny amount, but with the distances involved, it would result in the wandering chunk of rock and metal missing the planet by a good margin before being caught by Zarynth’s gravitational field and drawn into an orbit outside that occupied by the furthest planet in the Zarynthian solar system.
“Well, there you go, Captain Phrenille.” Ianto smiled. “We’ll land on the asteroid to claim our share, and to monitor progress in case any further adjustments should be needed, but you don’t have to worry about an impact event.”
“I will admit, I did not believe you could accomplish what you claimed, but clearly, I was wrong. You have the gratitude of my people and my world.”
“You’re welcome. Feel free to contact us if you have any other problems. We’re always happy to help.” Jack saluted his fellow captain again, and Phrenille’s moustache made a complicated gesture in response.
Together, the two immortals entered their TARDIS, which dematerialised, returning to the asteroid to refuel from its raw materials.
‘Nice job,’ Ianto silently told her.
‘It was an interesting exercise in advanced mathematics, a great many variables to be calculated and balanced against each other. I enjoyed it.’
“I wouldn’t have liked to attempt those calculations,” Jack admitted.
“Their complexity appealed.”
“Your brain is far more advanced than ours,” Ianto pointed out.
“This is true, but that is the fault of your physiology, not your intellects or your desire to assist others.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“Well, that’s another job done,” Jack said, looking smug. “Let’s collect what we’re owed.”
“That will take some time,” the TARDIS informed them. “Assimilating raw materials is a gradual process.”
“Oh, I’m sure we can find something to do while we’re waiting.” Jack grinned.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you’re right.” He had a pretty good idea what Jack had in mind…
The End
“Certainly better than your own idea would,” Ianto said calmly. “Firing missiles at that asteroid might reduce the size of the main impact crater when it hits your world, but it would also mean dozens of smaller impact sites as well, which would not be a good thing.”
“Much better to ensure the asteroid doesn’t hit your planet at all, don’t you think?” Jack was beaming his usual thousand-watt smile, although it didn’t seem to be winning him any points with the ship’s captain. “And it’s not like we expect you to do anything. We’re volunteering to handle deployment ourselves.”
“I never asked you to volunteer!” Phrenille snapped, his drooping moustache lifting of its own accord, like it was pointing accusingly at Jack, which as far as Ianto knew, might actually be the case. He’d never come across anyone of Phrenille’s race before, but here he was, on a ship full of Zarynth. They all had the moustaches, even the women and children. It was disconcerting on faces that were otherwise fairly close to human, except for the jutting lower canine teeth, the pupilless eyes, and long, downward curving noses on the adults. Oh, and the reddish skin, but under the bridge’s emergency lighting, that didn’t show up much.
“You didn’t need to ask,” Jack said, blithely unconcerned.
“You’re not the captain here!”
“But I’m still A captain.”
“I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island,” Ianto muttered under his breath, wondering where that quote came from. Some days, he had so many random bits of information floating around in his brain that he could only yearn for the days when everything had been neatly categorised and filed. Being out in space led to… an information overload, he supposed, new facts and figures piling into his brain too fast to be properly sorted and appropriately filed away, and it kept jostling things loose in his mind, usually without the relevant context.
“What was that?” Jack was looking at him funny.
“Nothing, just thinking aloud.” Ianto turned to Phrenille. “Captain, I understand that this must seem most unorthodox to you, but if we can divert the asteroid from its course, it will prevent what would otherwise be a cataclysmic event for your world. I realise that you never asked for our help, but this is what we do. We’re troubleshooters, you might say. We deal with situations in a way that prevents, or at least reduces, loss of life, whenever and wherever we’re needed. You might say it’s our vocation.”
“And what do you expect in return for your help?”
“Simply whatever raw materials from the asteroid that we can make use of. We move it out of a direct path to your planet, then take what we want from it at our leisure. All you lose is an imminent danger to your world and your people.”
“I suppose that does sound… reasonable, if you can really do what you claim you can.”
“We have the bomb constructed and ready to go, thanks to your munitions people. All we need do now is position it at the correct place, move to a safe distance, and detonate it.”
“And how can you be sure that you can position it correctly?”
“We landed our spacecraft inside yours while it was in flight,” Ianto pointed out. “And did so quite neatly.”
Phrenille gave a grunt that seemed to indicate agreement. “There is that, certainly. How long will it take you to transport the bomb to the asteroid’s surface, position it, and make it ready for detonation?”
“A matter of minutes,” Jack assured him, although the word he used was the equivalent measurement of time in Galactic Standard.
“That seems unfeasible.” Phrenille twitched his moustache again.
“Only because one of your own shuttles would have to cross the distance between this ship and the asteroid, which takes time, and then land at the correct coordinates. Ours is different. We just have to dematerialise here and rematerialize there, skipping the whole journey. Once there, positioning and readying the bomb will take almost no time at all, and then we’ll be back here, ready to transmit the detonation signal at the precisely calculated moment. Our ship has all that worked out in advance, she is far better at that kind of thing than we are.”
“Then I suppose we had better get started. I only hope for all our sakes that your plan will prove successful.”
“It will,” Jack said, supremely confident, as well he might be, knowing their TARDIS’s abilities as he did.
“Well? What are you waiting for? Get on with it!”
“Aye aye, Captain!” Jack saluted, a gesture that was totally lost on Phrenille, since the Zarynthian space force had no such traditional hand gestures of respect towards superior officers. Anything like that was handled, so to speak, by their astonishingly mobile moustaches.
Entering their TARDIS, which had taken on the external form of a brightly coloured beach hut, for reasons Ianto hadn’t bothered to ask, they closed the door behind them and Ianto made a final check of the explosive device, to make sure everything was in readiness.
“We’re good to go,” he told his husband.
“Of course we are! This is fun, isn’t it?”
“What, blowing things up?”
“Technically, the only thing we’re blowing up is that bomb. It’s more like a game of snooker, or pool, with the explosives as the pool cue, shooting the cueball in the direction we want it to go.”
“You have a weird way of looking at things.” Ianto barely felt the movement as the TARDIS dematerialised and headed across the relatively short distance between the Zarynthian ship and the troublesome chunk of wandering space debris; it was a matter of seconds before they were rematerializing on the airless surface of the asteroid.
The TARDIS, now in her favourite tree form, created a bubble of atmosphere beneath her spreading branches so that Jack and Ianto didn’t require space suits as they carried the bomb between them, and set it down in a crevice in the rocky surface, angling it so that the force of the explosion would be directed outwards. In their heads, the TARDIS issued instructions for minor adjustments in positioning to ensure the best results. Two minutes later, they were stepping out of the TARDIS onto the bridge of the Zarynthian ship once more, where Phrenille and his moustache were waiting.
“You are returned already? You only just a moment ago departed!”
“We told you it wouldn’t take long,” Jack reminded the other captain. “Anyway, we delivered the bomb to the proper coordinates, which is the most critical aspect of the task.”
“So it is done?” Phrenille demanded, a certain amount of disbelief colouring his tone.
“The first stage is complete,” Ianto corrected. “There’s just the final stage to go, the actual detonation, which our ship will carry out herself at the precise moment she’s calculated to produce the desired effect.”
“I wanted to do that part,” Jack grumbled.
“What is it with you and blowing things up?” Ianto raised his eyebrow at his husband. Every time there was anything to detonate, Jack wanted to be the one to push the button, flip the switch, whatever it took.
Jack shrugged. “I guess it’s a childhood thing. It reminds me of when we used to set off rockets on the beach for celebration days. I always wanted to be the one to light the fuses.”
Ianto nodded slowly. “That fits. You’re still a big kid.”
Phrenille’s gaze was switching back and forth between Jack and Ianto like a spectator at a tennis match. His moustache seemed agitated. “But what of the asteroid?”
“When the explosive is detonated, the asteroid’s course will gradually alter over the next few days. We will monitor it to ensure it follows the path we’ve chosen for it. If all goes as it should, and there is no reason to believe it won’t, in a few weeks it will have settled into a stable orbit around your planet, and by that time, we will have taken our share of the raw materials. The rest, your people can harvest at your leisure. I’m sure you will find that a better result than risking having large chunks fall on residential areas, or your best farmland.”
“And what if the explosive device fails, or the asteroid is not sufficiently diverted?”
“Then we’ll place another explosive charge and try again, but the chances of that happening are approximately one in fifty billion, so I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.”
“Detonation in five… four… three… two… one…” Jack counted down, and on the viewscreen, there was a brilliant flare of light. The ship’s tracking sensors indicated a shift in the asteroid’s course of point seven of a degree, a seemingly tiny amount, but with the distances involved, it would result in the wandering chunk of rock and metal missing the planet by a good margin before being caught by Zarynth’s gravitational field and drawn into an orbit outside that occupied by the furthest planet in the Zarynthian solar system.
“Well, there you go, Captain Phrenille.” Ianto smiled. “We’ll land on the asteroid to claim our share, and to monitor progress in case any further adjustments should be needed, but you don’t have to worry about an impact event.”
“I will admit, I did not believe you could accomplish what you claimed, but clearly, I was wrong. You have the gratitude of my people and my world.”
“You’re welcome. Feel free to contact us if you have any other problems. We’re always happy to help.” Jack saluted his fellow captain again, and Phrenille’s moustache made a complicated gesture in response.
Together, the two immortals entered their TARDIS, which dematerialised, returning to the asteroid to refuel from its raw materials.
‘Nice job,’ Ianto silently told her.
‘It was an interesting exercise in advanced mathematics, a great many variables to be calculated and balanced against each other. I enjoyed it.’
“I wouldn’t have liked to attempt those calculations,” Jack admitted.
“Their complexity appealed.”
“Your brain is far more advanced than ours,” Ianto pointed out.
“This is true, but that is the fault of your physiology, not your intellects or your desire to assist others.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“Well, that’s another job done,” Jack said, looking smug. “Let’s collect what we’re owed.”
“That will take some time,” the TARDIS informed them. “Assimilating raw materials is a gradual process.”
“Oh, I’m sure we can find something to do while we’re waiting.” Jack grinned.
Ianto rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you’re right.” He had a pretty good idea what Jack had in mind…
The End
