Ficlet: Decorative
Jul. 14th, 2025 05:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Decorative
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Owen, Jack, Ianto, Tosh, Gwen.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 810
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: It’s difficult to retain any dignity when you work for Torchwood.
Written For: The prompt ‘any, any, underwear/pajamas covered in little..?’, at
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threesentenceficathon.Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Torchwood had an unfortunate habit of trampling dignity into the dirt. No matter how careful anyone might be to maintain an air of professionalism and at least the outward appearance of knowing what they were doing, it never lasted, destroyed by random Rift Gifts, mud, blood, or alien goop. It was impossible to appear dignified while smeared from head to toe in stinking slime, or any one of a hundred other noxious substances that required going through the further indignity of decontamination.
Any sense of modesty soon went out of the window as well. No one could afford to be bashful when the most important thing was for everyone affected to rid themselves of any contaminants as fast and thoroughly as possible, and since there was only one decontamination facility, by now they’d all seen each other in various states of undress, and even completely naked, on multiple occasions, although Jack’s long hoped-for orgy had yet to materialise. There was nothing at all sexy about going through decon.
Still, having seen each other in the buff on more than one occasion didn’t mean that they’d already seen it all and there could be no more surprises…
“Don’t you dare fuckin’ laugh, any of you,” Owen snarled, blushing furiously as he stripped down to his skivvies in front of the rest of the team as they did the same, having been sprayed with what Jack claimed was a kind of musk used by their latest alien visitor to mark its territory. Or as Owen had said in a disgusted voice, “You mean it peed on us!”
Perhaps Owen would have been better off if he’d kept silent, because inevitably, the moment he told his colleagues not to laugh, all eyes were turned in his direction to see what it was they weren’t allowed to laugh about. Face heating further, realising his mistake, Owen shucked his jeans off to reveal boxer shorts covered in little pink cartoon ducks wearing yellow wellies and holding colourful umbrellas.
Tosh bit her lip, because laughing would have been rude, and anyway, she didn’t want to hurt Owen’s feelings. Gwen let out a very unladylike squeak as she tried to swallow her own laughter, unwilling to risk bringing the medic’s wrath down upon her. Ianto merely raised an eyebrow as he revealed his own black silk undies, a gift from Jack, who just beamed and exclaimed, “You’re wearing them!”
“You already knew that,” Ianto pointed out. “You saw me put them on this morning. I sometimes think you find watching me dress more entertaining than watching me undress.”
“I do, but I didn’t mean you; I was talking to, Owen. I bought him those shorts for his birthday,” Jack explained, whipping off his own trousers to reveal even more lurid shorts decorated with carrots wearing cowboy hats and brandishing pistols. “Got myself some too, aren’t they great?” He did a twirl to show them off from all angles. “I would’ve got some for you as well, there was a pair with little red dragons on motorcycles, but I didn’t think you’d wear them.”
“You thought right,” Ianto agreed. “Dignity is in short enough supply around here at the best of times.” He gave Owen a significant look. “Case in point.”
“They’re comfortable, okay?” Owen snapped. “I didn’t think anyone would see them!”
Ianto raised his eyebrow again. “Did you forget where you work?”
“Up yours!”
“Very mature.”
Jack wasn’t paying any attention. “You know, I think I’ll go to the website again and see if they’ve still got the dragon ones. They were cute. Maybe I’ll get the ice-skating mushrooms too. Or the surfing elephants.”
Gwen stepped beneath the decon spray. “And I thought the pyjamas Rhys bought me with the bunnies all over them were embarrassing.” She glanced back at Jack. “While you’re on the website, would you get me a couple of pairs of shorts for Rhys? He likes novelty stuff.”
“Anything you want. Owen? Want me to get you a couple more pairs?”
“Oh, why the hell not? Who cares if they look daft as long as they’re comfy? In this job, comfort is important.”
“Do they do ladies underwear too?” Tosh asked. “I’m starting to feel left out; everything I’ve got is so practical and boring. I want something silly too.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Ianto?”
Ianto just shrugged. Dignity was already a thing of the past anyway, and it would make Jack happy, even if he never wore them outside the bedroom. “I suppose I could live with the dragons.”
Jack beamed. “I’d kiss you, but you stink to high heaven.”
“So do you. Less talking, more decontaminating.”
“Anything you say.” Jack beamed at his team, already compiling a list of the new underwear he was going to get for them. This was a whole new kind of team bonding!
The End
Any sense of modesty soon went out of the window as well. No one could afford to be bashful when the most important thing was for everyone affected to rid themselves of any contaminants as fast and thoroughly as possible, and since there was only one decontamination facility, by now they’d all seen each other in various states of undress, and even completely naked, on multiple occasions, although Jack’s long hoped-for orgy had yet to materialise. There was nothing at all sexy about going through decon.
Still, having seen each other in the buff on more than one occasion didn’t mean that they’d already seen it all and there could be no more surprises…
“Don’t you dare fuckin’ laugh, any of you,” Owen snarled, blushing furiously as he stripped down to his skivvies in front of the rest of the team as they did the same, having been sprayed with what Jack claimed was a kind of musk used by their latest alien visitor to mark its territory. Or as Owen had said in a disgusted voice, “You mean it peed on us!”
Perhaps Owen would have been better off if he’d kept silent, because inevitably, the moment he told his colleagues not to laugh, all eyes were turned in his direction to see what it was they weren’t allowed to laugh about. Face heating further, realising his mistake, Owen shucked his jeans off to reveal boxer shorts covered in little pink cartoon ducks wearing yellow wellies and holding colourful umbrellas.
Tosh bit her lip, because laughing would have been rude, and anyway, she didn’t want to hurt Owen’s feelings. Gwen let out a very unladylike squeak as she tried to swallow her own laughter, unwilling to risk bringing the medic’s wrath down upon her. Ianto merely raised an eyebrow as he revealed his own black silk undies, a gift from Jack, who just beamed and exclaimed, “You’re wearing them!”
“You already knew that,” Ianto pointed out. “You saw me put them on this morning. I sometimes think you find watching me dress more entertaining than watching me undress.”
“I do, but I didn’t mean you; I was talking to, Owen. I bought him those shorts for his birthday,” Jack explained, whipping off his own trousers to reveal even more lurid shorts decorated with carrots wearing cowboy hats and brandishing pistols. “Got myself some too, aren’t they great?” He did a twirl to show them off from all angles. “I would’ve got some for you as well, there was a pair with little red dragons on motorcycles, but I didn’t think you’d wear them.”
“You thought right,” Ianto agreed. “Dignity is in short enough supply around here at the best of times.” He gave Owen a significant look. “Case in point.”
“They’re comfortable, okay?” Owen snapped. “I didn’t think anyone would see them!”
Ianto raised his eyebrow again. “Did you forget where you work?”
“Up yours!”
“Very mature.”
Jack wasn’t paying any attention. “You know, I think I’ll go to the website again and see if they’ve still got the dragon ones. They were cute. Maybe I’ll get the ice-skating mushrooms too. Or the surfing elephants.”
Gwen stepped beneath the decon spray. “And I thought the pyjamas Rhys bought me with the bunnies all over them were embarrassing.” She glanced back at Jack. “While you’re on the website, would you get me a couple of pairs of shorts for Rhys? He likes novelty stuff.”
“Anything you want. Owen? Want me to get you a couple more pairs?”
“Oh, why the hell not? Who cares if they look daft as long as they’re comfy? In this job, comfort is important.”
“Do they do ladies underwear too?” Tosh asked. “I’m starting to feel left out; everything I’ve got is so practical and boring. I want something silly too.”
“I’ll see what I can do. Ianto?”
Ianto just shrugged. Dignity was already a thing of the past anyway, and it would make Jack happy, even if he never wore them outside the bedroom. “I suppose I could live with the dragons.”
Jack beamed. “I’d kiss you, but you stink to high heaven.”
“So do you. Less talking, more decontaminating.”
“Anything you say.” Jack beamed at his team, already compiling a list of the new underwear he was going to get for them. This was a whole new kind of team bonding!
The End
