Ficlet: Searching The Stars
May. 15th, 2026 06:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Searching The Stars
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Ianto, Jack.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 729
Spoilers: Set in my Through Time and Space ‘Verse.
Summary: Staring out into space, Ianto wonder and worries about Jack.
Written For:
topaz_eyes’s prompt ‘Any, any, Are you lonely looking for yourself out there?’, at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
threesentenceficathon.Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters.
Ianto had never fully understood just how immense the universe really was until he was actually out there in the midst of it all, and if he was honest, he still couldn’t fully encompass the sheer scale of it. He doubted anyone could, human or alien, except possibly the Doctor. His mind simply skittered away and attempted to hide in the safest corner of his skull whenever he tried. The distances involved were unfathomable, just numbers that were so ridiculously large they bordered on nonsensical. And somewhere out there, on one of the astronomically huge number of habitable planets, or perhaps on a spaceship travelling through the blackness between stars, was Jack, dealing with the aftereffects of everything that had happened to him since the 456 first arrived and issued their demands.
Ianto stood in the open doorway of his TARDIS, staring out at an uncountable number of stars, wondering where, among all those pinpricks if light, his lover might be, and what he might be doing. Was he alone, perhaps blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong? He’d always carried a lot of survivor’s guilt around with him, even before Ianto had known him, and now that burden must be even heavier.
‘Are you lonely, Jack?’ Ianto thought, as he stared out at the immensity of space, this galaxy only one of many millions filling the vast expanse of the universe, stretching far beyond the ability of his weak human eyes to perceive. The stars were like diamond dust on black velvet, fading into the unimaginable distances, some of them orbited by planets, some of them companionless. ‘Are you lonely, out there all alone, trying to find yourself, the man you used to be so long ago, or the man you hope to be someday? Do you even know what it is you’re looking for, or are you just running, trying to escape the memories of everything and everyone you lost back on earth?’
There were so many stars, and so many planets out there. So many places where Jack could be, so many places that Ianto had already looked and failed to find him, either because he was never there, or because he’d already moved on by the time Ianto got there, and as much as he wished he could, Ianto knew he couldn’t land somewhere Jack HAD been, then skip back in time to intercept him, because… Well, that didn’t happen. If it had, he wouldn’t still be searching… or something.
Time travel, timelines, paradoxes, just thinking about it, trying to figure out all the intricacies, made his head pound, and tied his brain in knots. But he still knew he couldn’t risk changing something that, from Jack’s point of view, had already happened. He had to let Jack continue his journey, always hoping that eventually their paths would cross…
Because he was out there among the stars for that very reason, searching for Jack while Jack searched for… what? Distance? Peace? Absolution? Forgetfulness? Or perhaps for a new start, an old friend, a reason to live… It could be any or all of the above, or something else entirely. Maybe, and this was what scared Ianto the most, maybe Jack was searching for his past self, the man he was before he ever met the Doctor, before he became immortal, because if he killed the man he used to be, everything since then simply… wouldn’t have happened.
Still, surely even in his soul-destroying grief, Jack wouldn’t do anything so insane. If he made such a major change to events, he could cause the entire fabric of the universe to unravel, so it was unlikely the thought would ever cross his mind, because he knew even better than Ianto the dangers of messing with time. But ever since losing Lisa, when he’d been so deep in denial that he’d managed to overlook the truth of the situation, Ianto had developed a tendency to torture himself with worst case scenarios…
He probably didn’t need to worry about that one though; Jack was simply out here searching for something to give him a sense of purpose, a reason to carry on, something to make forever more bearable. Perhaps when Ianto eventually found him, they could search for that together. Maybe, if they were very lucky, and the universe was feeling generous, someday they might even find it.
The End
Ianto stood in the open doorway of his TARDIS, staring out at an uncountable number of stars, wondering where, among all those pinpricks if light, his lover might be, and what he might be doing. Was he alone, perhaps blaming himself for everything that had gone wrong? He’d always carried a lot of survivor’s guilt around with him, even before Ianto had known him, and now that burden must be even heavier.
‘Are you lonely, Jack?’ Ianto thought, as he stared out at the immensity of space, this galaxy only one of many millions filling the vast expanse of the universe, stretching far beyond the ability of his weak human eyes to perceive. The stars were like diamond dust on black velvet, fading into the unimaginable distances, some of them orbited by planets, some of them companionless. ‘Are you lonely, out there all alone, trying to find yourself, the man you used to be so long ago, or the man you hope to be someday? Do you even know what it is you’re looking for, or are you just running, trying to escape the memories of everything and everyone you lost back on earth?’
There were so many stars, and so many planets out there. So many places where Jack could be, so many places that Ianto had already looked and failed to find him, either because he was never there, or because he’d already moved on by the time Ianto got there, and as much as he wished he could, Ianto knew he couldn’t land somewhere Jack HAD been, then skip back in time to intercept him, because… Well, that didn’t happen. If it had, he wouldn’t still be searching… or something.
Time travel, timelines, paradoxes, just thinking about it, trying to figure out all the intricacies, made his head pound, and tied his brain in knots. But he still knew he couldn’t risk changing something that, from Jack’s point of view, had already happened. He had to let Jack continue his journey, always hoping that eventually their paths would cross…
Because he was out there among the stars for that very reason, searching for Jack while Jack searched for… what? Distance? Peace? Absolution? Forgetfulness? Or perhaps for a new start, an old friend, a reason to live… It could be any or all of the above, or something else entirely. Maybe, and this was what scared Ianto the most, maybe Jack was searching for his past self, the man he was before he ever met the Doctor, before he became immortal, because if he killed the man he used to be, everything since then simply… wouldn’t have happened.
Still, surely even in his soul-destroying grief, Jack wouldn’t do anything so insane. If he made such a major change to events, he could cause the entire fabric of the universe to unravel, so it was unlikely the thought would ever cross his mind, because he knew even better than Ianto the dangers of messing with time. But ever since losing Lisa, when he’d been so deep in denial that he’d managed to overlook the truth of the situation, Ianto had developed a tendency to torture himself with worst case scenarios…
He probably didn’t need to worry about that one though; Jack was simply out here searching for something to give him a sense of purpose, a reason to carry on, something to make forever more bearable. Perhaps when Ianto eventually found him, they could search for that together. Maybe, if they were very lucky, and the universe was feeling generous, someday they might even find it.
The End
