FAKE Triple Drabble: Doing His Job
Apr. 15th, 2026 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Doing His Job
Fandom: FAKE
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Dee, OMC.
Rating: PG
Setting: After the manga.
Summary: Dee arrests a shooter.
Written Using: The tw100 prompt ‘Shot’.
Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
A/N: Triple drabble.
“You shot me! You fuckin’ shot me, you bastards!”
Dee snorted. “What did ya expect? You were shootin’ at everything that moved, ya hit three people! Did ya think the cops were gonna show up and just ask ya nicely to stop, if it wouldn’t be a bother?”
“You could’a killed me!”
“So what? You could’a killed a whole bunch of people, so I don’t know what you’re complainin’ about.”
“You shot me!”
“Yeah, you already said that, so quit whinin’. It’s just a graze.” Dee fastened the handcuffs. “My partner always hits his target. You’re lucky he was aimin’ to wound, not to kill. I would’a just gone for the headshot and been done with it, paperwork be damned. Then I wouldn’t haveta listen to ya bitchin’ about a tiny scratch. How d’ya think the people YOU shot feel right about now? They’re all on their way to the hospital, two of ‘em are gonna need surgery, and all you need is a Band-Aid.” Pulling out his warrant card, Dee read the shooter his rights.
“I got a right to bear arms! It’s in the constitution!”
“Don’t mean ya got the right to go around shootin’ people for no reason.”
“You can’t do this!”
“Law says I can. It’s my job. This is real life, not some shoot-em-up video game. Real guns, real bullets, real injuries, real lives on the line, and you’re goin’ to a real jail. Chargin’ you with public endangerment, carryin’ without a licence, assault with a firearm, causin’ actual bodily harm, resistin’ arrest, whole bunch of other stuff I’m not goin’ into right now. Any of your victims die, you’re gonna be facin’ murder charges.”
“That’s not fair!”
“What’s not fair is you openin’ fire in a crowded street just ‘cause ya felt like it!”
The End
Dee snorted. “What did ya expect? You were shootin’ at everything that moved, ya hit three people! Did ya think the cops were gonna show up and just ask ya nicely to stop, if it wouldn’t be a bother?”
“You could’a killed me!”
“So what? You could’a killed a whole bunch of people, so I don’t know what you’re complainin’ about.”
“You shot me!”
“Yeah, you already said that, so quit whinin’. It’s just a graze.” Dee fastened the handcuffs. “My partner always hits his target. You’re lucky he was aimin’ to wound, not to kill. I would’a just gone for the headshot and been done with it, paperwork be damned. Then I wouldn’t haveta listen to ya bitchin’ about a tiny scratch. How d’ya think the people YOU shot feel right about now? They’re all on their way to the hospital, two of ‘em are gonna need surgery, and all you need is a Band-Aid.” Pulling out his warrant card, Dee read the shooter his rights.
“I got a right to bear arms! It’s in the constitution!”
“Don’t mean ya got the right to go around shootin’ people for no reason.”
“You can’t do this!”
“Law says I can. It’s my job. This is real life, not some shoot-em-up video game. Real guns, real bullets, real injuries, real lives on the line, and you’re goin’ to a real jail. Chargin’ you with public endangerment, carryin’ without a licence, assault with a firearm, causin’ actual bodily harm, resistin’ arrest, whole bunch of other stuff I’m not goin’ into right now. Any of your victims die, you’re gonna be facin’ murder charges.”
“That’s not fair!”
“What’s not fair is you openin’ fire in a crowded street just ‘cause ya felt like it!”
The End
