FAKE Ficlet: Wants And Fears
Jan. 9th, 2026 05:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Wants And Fears
Fandom: FAKE
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Ryo, Dee.
Rating: PG-15
Word Count: 751
Setting: After Vol. 7.
Summary: Ryo still has a lot to learn, and he knows it will take him time to completely adjust to being in a relationship with a man, but he really does want to.
Written For: The prompt ‘any, any/any, I want to be as intimate as two people can be. I want to share everything without shame, And maybe we can cuddle’, at
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threesentenceficathon.Disclaimer: I don’t own FAKE, or the characters. They belong to the wonderful Sanami Matoh.
Their first night together was just a taster, showing Ryo a little of what he’d been missing all out on for his entire adult life, all the things he’d never allowed himself to think about, never mind want. It had opened a door that he’d kept firmly closed from the moment he’d first begun to suspect that he might not be as interested in girls as other boys his age seemed to be.
But even though the secret door is now open, allowing himself to accept the truth about himself, that doesn’t magically make everything perfect. It doesn’t erase his hangups, or cause him to instantly embrace everything about the gay lifestyle. He’s still awkward and uncomfortable; there’s a lot he still needs to adjust to, and it’s inevitably going to take time. Some things shouldn’t be rushed.
Nevertheless, Ryo wants this, he honestly does. He wants Dee, and everything that goes along with being in a relationship with the man he loves more than anything. But at the same time, it scares him, and it embarrasses him, because he’s never thought of himself as a sexual person, and Dee is bringing out a side of him that Ryo doesn’t recognise, a side he doesn’t understand. In a weird way, even while he’s gaining so much, he feels like he’s losing himself, or at least the version of him that he’s familiar with, which is ridiculous, but he can’t help the way that he feels. Not when everything with Dee is just so intense, awakening feelings in him that he’d never imagined!
When they’re intimate, when they’re having sex, it’s good. No, that’s a lie; it’s better than good, it’s amazing, overwhelming, maybe even mind-blowing, and Ryo does enjoy it, once they get going. But at the start he always feels awkward, and clumsy, because… Ridiculous though it seems to admit to such inexperience, he simply doesn’t know what to do with his hands, or any other part of his body, and he’s always painfully aware that he’s blushing like crazy, because he can feel the heat in his face.
Then afterwards when they’re done and just lying together, when his brain is working again, enough that he can string thoughts together, he feels guilty and ashamed. Not because he had sex with a man, but because he’s so bad at it, because he’s worried that he did something wrong, or stupid, even though Dee never seems to have any complaints, but…
Ryo wants to get better at sex, wants to learn what to do and how to do it, wants to satisfy his partner, wants to be able to make the first move, or ANY move, without blushing, or stammering, or wanting to hide his face. He wants to resist the urge to bite his lip to keep from crying out in pleasure, all because he’s terrified that someone will hear him and know what he’s doing in the privacy of his own bedroom, or Dee’s. He knows Dee likes it when he’s loud, and he wants to do whatever will make his lover happy, but right now, in the aftermath, while they’re both catching their breath and coming down from the endorphin high of having amazing sex, what he really wants is to cuddle. He’s just not sure if it’s okay to ask…
Do gay men cuddle each other after sex, or is that a girl thing? The few girls Ryo has slept with all seemed to expect to be cuddled afterwards, and he’d willingly obliged them, because he’d sort of liked that better than the act itself. But maybe it’s different for men, not the done thing. He doesn’t want to make a fool of himself.
While he’s still wondering about post-sex etiquette between two men, Dee rolls over, drapes his arm over Ryo’s sweaty body, and snuggles in close.
“Relax, babe. Sex is supposed to make ya feel good, not leave ya lookin’ tense and worried. What’s on your mind? Not regrettin’ it, I hope.”
“What? No! Of course I’m not.” Shifting onto his side, Ryo wraps one arm around Dee, relaxing into his partner’s embrace, letting the worries and doubts melt away.
“Good. This is nice. Cosy.”
“Mm,” Ryo agrees, tightening his arm around Dee.
“Not too sappy for ya?”
“Not at all,” Ryo smiles against his lover’s shoulder. Sex may still be a bit of a mystery to him, but he knows how to cuddle, so at least there’s one thing he can get right.
The End
But even though the secret door is now open, allowing himself to accept the truth about himself, that doesn’t magically make everything perfect. It doesn’t erase his hangups, or cause him to instantly embrace everything about the gay lifestyle. He’s still awkward and uncomfortable; there’s a lot he still needs to adjust to, and it’s inevitably going to take time. Some things shouldn’t be rushed.
Nevertheless, Ryo wants this, he honestly does. He wants Dee, and everything that goes along with being in a relationship with the man he loves more than anything. But at the same time, it scares him, and it embarrasses him, because he’s never thought of himself as a sexual person, and Dee is bringing out a side of him that Ryo doesn’t recognise, a side he doesn’t understand. In a weird way, even while he’s gaining so much, he feels like he’s losing himself, or at least the version of him that he’s familiar with, which is ridiculous, but he can’t help the way that he feels. Not when everything with Dee is just so intense, awakening feelings in him that he’d never imagined!
When they’re intimate, when they’re having sex, it’s good. No, that’s a lie; it’s better than good, it’s amazing, overwhelming, maybe even mind-blowing, and Ryo does enjoy it, once they get going. But at the start he always feels awkward, and clumsy, because… Ridiculous though it seems to admit to such inexperience, he simply doesn’t know what to do with his hands, or any other part of his body, and he’s always painfully aware that he’s blushing like crazy, because he can feel the heat in his face.
Then afterwards when they’re done and just lying together, when his brain is working again, enough that he can string thoughts together, he feels guilty and ashamed. Not because he had sex with a man, but because he’s so bad at it, because he’s worried that he did something wrong, or stupid, even though Dee never seems to have any complaints, but…
Ryo wants to get better at sex, wants to learn what to do and how to do it, wants to satisfy his partner, wants to be able to make the first move, or ANY move, without blushing, or stammering, or wanting to hide his face. He wants to resist the urge to bite his lip to keep from crying out in pleasure, all because he’s terrified that someone will hear him and know what he’s doing in the privacy of his own bedroom, or Dee’s. He knows Dee likes it when he’s loud, and he wants to do whatever will make his lover happy, but right now, in the aftermath, while they’re both catching their breath and coming down from the endorphin high of having amazing sex, what he really wants is to cuddle. He’s just not sure if it’s okay to ask…
Do gay men cuddle each other after sex, or is that a girl thing? The few girls Ryo has slept with all seemed to expect to be cuddled afterwards, and he’d willingly obliged them, because he’d sort of liked that better than the act itself. But maybe it’s different for men, not the done thing. He doesn’t want to make a fool of himself.
While he’s still wondering about post-sex etiquette between two men, Dee rolls over, drapes his arm over Ryo’s sweaty body, and snuggles in close.
“Relax, babe. Sex is supposed to make ya feel good, not leave ya lookin’ tense and worried. What’s on your mind? Not regrettin’ it, I hope.”
“What? No! Of course I’m not.” Shifting onto his side, Ryo wraps one arm around Dee, relaxing into his partner’s embrace, letting the worries and doubts melt away.
“Good. This is nice. Cosy.”
“Mm,” Ryo agrees, tightening his arm around Dee.
“Not too sappy for ya?”
“Not at all,” Ryo smiles against his lover’s shoulder. Sex may still be a bit of a mystery to him, but he knows how to cuddle, so at least there’s one thing he can get right.
The End
(no subject)
Date: 2026-01-13 12:39 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2026-01-13 11:34 am (UTC)Thank you!