BtVS Fic: Out Of The Shadows
Jun. 12th, 2025 06:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badly_knittedTitle: Out Of The Shadows
Fandom: BtVS
Author:
badly_knittedCharacters: Angel, Buffy.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Up to and including I Will Remember You.
Summary: The shadows have always meant safety for Angel.
Word Count: 1005
Written For:
cornerofmadness’s prompt ‘Buffyverse, Angel + any, he's lived so long in the shadows,’ at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
comment_fic.Disclaimer: I don’t own BTVS, or the characters.
For more than two hundred and thirty years, Angel’s entire existence had been confined to the hours of darkness, hunting and feeding by night, hiding away during the day, safe from the burning rays of the sun. He’d lurked in the shadows, stalked the moonlit streets, revelling in his demonic nature until the gypsies had cursed him by restoring his human soul. But even then, the shadows had spelled safety, wrapping around him like a familiar blanket, hiding him from the world.
Darkness was all he knew, the black depths of his soullessness, the myriad shades of night, the dark despair of guilt and shame, until she came into his life. Buffy Summers, the Slayer, with her hair the color of sunlight, and an innocence that burned him with the sweetest pain he could imagine. She brought light into his life, forced him out of the shadows, as far as was safe for a creature of the night, made him live again for a time, socialising with people, learning to trust and depend on others.
Then he’d taken living a step too far, falling in love, inviting Buffy into his bed, unknowingly sacrificing the best part of himself, his soul, and returning to his evil ways. Once again, he’d wrapped the shadows around himself like a cloak, stalking Buffy and her friends, tormenting them, glorying in their terror…
Thinking back on that time made him shudder with self-disgust. It didn’t matter that technically he wasn’t the one responsible for those depraved acts; it was his body, ruled by the demon inside, and it was his fault that his soul was no longer there to control the monster he’d all but invited to take up residence within him, back when he’d still been human.
Getting his soul back a second time was a gift he hadn’t deserved, and spending untold aeons in a Hell dimension was a fitting punishment. It still wasn’t enough to make up for all his vampire self’s crimes against humans, for all the sadistic acts he’d carried out for his own, or at the least the demon’s, pleasure, but it went some way towards making amends. True restitution would no doubt take him until the end of eternity, but it was a price he was willing to pay, dedicating his existence to helping others, and to battling evil in all its many forms, even though his help was only available after dark, or away from the sun’s rays. Still, as with vampires, most monsters preferred the hours of darkness anyway.
But now, everything had suddenly changed. This wasn’t the same as when he’d worn the Gem of Amara; then, when he’d walked in daylight, he’d felt that he somehow carried the shadows with him, shielding him from the light that would harm him. He’d destroyed the ring because it was too much of a temptation, he’d been afraid that he might grow too accustomed to the freedom it allowed him, that it might, in the end, make him forget what he was, that he wasn’t like the people he walked among. He couldn’t take that risk, couldn’t afford to let his guard down, not for a moment.
Perhaps that was why suddenly finding himself completely human again came as such a shock. The demon was gone, he could no longer sense its presence within him, and he was alive, which shouldn’t have been possible. He was breathing, could feel his heart beating, pounding with both exhilaration and terror…
He could barely remember what it was like to live, it had been so long. It was disconcerting, wonderful, and peculiarly uncomfortable at the same time. So many more sensations than he could recall experiencing as a vampire, while at the same time, his senses were oddly dulled, his hearing, his eyesight, his sense of smell, all less than he’d become accustomed to over the past couple of centuries. Taste, however… was a different matter entirely, the flavors of food burst on his tongue, overwhelming him with their richness and variety. Every mouthful was an adventure, if not always a pleasant one.
Going outside in daylight proved more difficult than he’d anticipated. He’d lived so long in the shadows that the thought of exposing himself to the sun without any kind of protection made his heart race, his palms sweat, and his knees go weak, physiological responses to fear that he wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced before. Back when he’d been human, so long ago, he’d been too young and reckless, too full of himself, to truly feel afraid, living for the moment, never considering the consequences of his actions. Now though…
For almost as long as he could remember, shadows and darkness had spelled safety, while sunlight was something to be avoided at all costs. But it wasn’t that way for humans, and he was human now. He told himself he didn’t need to fear the sun’s rays anymore, and yet deep down, he still did. Old habits could be hard to break.
Part of him ached to feel the warmth of sunlight on his skin, but another part of him remembered the pain of burning, his flesh bursting into flame, shrivelling, blackening… Although he knew that was unlikely to happen now, he still flinched back from the brilliance that hurt his eyes, the vivid blue of the sky overhead, and the heat he could feel even in the shelter provided by the doorway.
He might have stood there wavering for hours, but for one thing: Buffy. She was still in L.A. somewhere, and he couldn’t let her leave without telling her the amazing, all but unbelievable news. But in order to tell her, he first had to find her, and he couldn’t do that if he was too afraid to set foot outside.
Fixing in his mind the image of Buffy shining in the sunlight, a dazzling vision of golden hair and warm, lightly tanned skin, Angel sucked in a deep breath, steeled himself, and stepped from the shadows into the light.
The End
Darkness was all he knew, the black depths of his soullessness, the myriad shades of night, the dark despair of guilt and shame, until she came into his life. Buffy Summers, the Slayer, with her hair the color of sunlight, and an innocence that burned him with the sweetest pain he could imagine. She brought light into his life, forced him out of the shadows, as far as was safe for a creature of the night, made him live again for a time, socialising with people, learning to trust and depend on others.
Then he’d taken living a step too far, falling in love, inviting Buffy into his bed, unknowingly sacrificing the best part of himself, his soul, and returning to his evil ways. Once again, he’d wrapped the shadows around himself like a cloak, stalking Buffy and her friends, tormenting them, glorying in their terror…
Thinking back on that time made him shudder with self-disgust. It didn’t matter that technically he wasn’t the one responsible for those depraved acts; it was his body, ruled by the demon inside, and it was his fault that his soul was no longer there to control the monster he’d all but invited to take up residence within him, back when he’d still been human.
Getting his soul back a second time was a gift he hadn’t deserved, and spending untold aeons in a Hell dimension was a fitting punishment. It still wasn’t enough to make up for all his vampire self’s crimes against humans, for all the sadistic acts he’d carried out for his own, or at the least the demon’s, pleasure, but it went some way towards making amends. True restitution would no doubt take him until the end of eternity, but it was a price he was willing to pay, dedicating his existence to helping others, and to battling evil in all its many forms, even though his help was only available after dark, or away from the sun’s rays. Still, as with vampires, most monsters preferred the hours of darkness anyway.
But now, everything had suddenly changed. This wasn’t the same as when he’d worn the Gem of Amara; then, when he’d walked in daylight, he’d felt that he somehow carried the shadows with him, shielding him from the light that would harm him. He’d destroyed the ring because it was too much of a temptation, he’d been afraid that he might grow too accustomed to the freedom it allowed him, that it might, in the end, make him forget what he was, that he wasn’t like the people he walked among. He couldn’t take that risk, couldn’t afford to let his guard down, not for a moment.
Perhaps that was why suddenly finding himself completely human again came as such a shock. The demon was gone, he could no longer sense its presence within him, and he was alive, which shouldn’t have been possible. He was breathing, could feel his heart beating, pounding with both exhilaration and terror…
He could barely remember what it was like to live, it had been so long. It was disconcerting, wonderful, and peculiarly uncomfortable at the same time. So many more sensations than he could recall experiencing as a vampire, while at the same time, his senses were oddly dulled, his hearing, his eyesight, his sense of smell, all less than he’d become accustomed to over the past couple of centuries. Taste, however… was a different matter entirely, the flavors of food burst on his tongue, overwhelming him with their richness and variety. Every mouthful was an adventure, if not always a pleasant one.
Going outside in daylight proved more difficult than he’d anticipated. He’d lived so long in the shadows that the thought of exposing himself to the sun without any kind of protection made his heart race, his palms sweat, and his knees go weak, physiological responses to fear that he wasn’t sure he’d ever experienced before. Back when he’d been human, so long ago, he’d been too young and reckless, too full of himself, to truly feel afraid, living for the moment, never considering the consequences of his actions. Now though…
For almost as long as he could remember, shadows and darkness had spelled safety, while sunlight was something to be avoided at all costs. But it wasn’t that way for humans, and he was human now. He told himself he didn’t need to fear the sun’s rays anymore, and yet deep down, he still did. Old habits could be hard to break.
Part of him ached to feel the warmth of sunlight on his skin, but another part of him remembered the pain of burning, his flesh bursting into flame, shrivelling, blackening… Although he knew that was unlikely to happen now, he still flinched back from the brilliance that hurt his eyes, the vivid blue of the sky overhead, and the heat he could feel even in the shelter provided by the doorway.
He might have stood there wavering for hours, but for one thing: Buffy. She was still in L.A. somewhere, and he couldn’t let her leave without telling her the amazing, all but unbelievable news. But in order to tell her, he first had to find her, and he couldn’t do that if he was too afraid to set foot outside.
Fixing in his mind the image of Buffy shining in the sunlight, a dazzling vision of golden hair and warm, lightly tanned skin, Angel sucked in a deep breath, steeled himself, and stepped from the shadows into the light.
The End
Tags:
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Date: 2025-06-14 10:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-06-14 10:29 pm (UTC)Buffy was so determined she would remember, but of course she didn't. Time was rewound, that one wonderful, terrible day was erased.
Thank you.